I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
