That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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