NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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