Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
