if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
