It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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