You work out of a Hotel?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize