normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
