I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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