Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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