i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize