I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
