Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
