We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
