i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
