Can i not drive my cunt home
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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