I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
