His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
