bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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