Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I still have a little drunk in my system
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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