I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
