this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
