I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
