Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
