I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
