There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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