I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
