Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
