Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Holy sore nipples Batman
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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