Your tits are I can't wait for
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
