i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
