Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
