Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
