You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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