Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
