I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
