feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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