He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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