you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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