omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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