a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
