i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
