dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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