so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
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Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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