Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm at about main and main street
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
