Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
