shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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