apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
