She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
