Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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