Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
