Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
