what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
