we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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