I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
