Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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