I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
