At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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