Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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