PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
