do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
