how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
