he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
