so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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