I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
