Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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