You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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